Dear Avril,
I tried to
keep this short but to no avail. I have to get this off my chest.
Maybe this is another midlife crisis scenario.
Over the last
2 years I have had the feeling of being pulled down in quicksand when
it comes to having any energy to make the changes I need to make Spiritually,and
in all others areas of my life as well. To make this worse, I feel
like a displaced person. I am lost with no direction, and no idea
of where to begin.
Basically,
all the physical problems I have are also my spiritual problems as
well. For instance, I am having terrible problems with my eyesight,
no doctor in the last years has been able to correct my vision with
glasses or contacts. I have tried everything. With this eyesight problem,
I see that my spiritual vision is clouded too as if I am in a spiritual
dust storm. Also mentally I am scattered, as if I might have some
kind of adult ADD, and this over laps into my spiritual self. I cannot
focus spiritually, because I have no sense of direction.
I have had
other health problems as well but have spent hundreds of dollars only
to be brushed off by every doctor I have seen. I am so hopeless. There
is no more money left, and we have been in very deep debt for some
time now.
Recently,I
have looked for any kind of work outside the home, but have no success.
Because of my eyesight and basic state of exhaustion physically and
spiritually, I don't have any confidence, plus there are no jobs in
this town. My car is barely running and not safe to drive long distance
for commutes. So you see it is a viscous circle. How do I find a starting
point or place to begin to fix the problems at this stage.
While working
various jobs outside the home over the last 25 years, I have raised
three children and have taken very good care of our home, but I was
never able to developed a real career of my own. I enjoyed homeschooling
my daughter for three years, and miss having that responsibility.
My husband asked me to stop the homeschooling because he didn't think
I could pull off the high school academics. Yet all of her highschool/
homeschool friends are now dual enrolling in junior college. Most
of them got their highchool credits online anyway, so this is something
she could have done. I miss being with her and doing creative things
together with her now which adds to my feeling of emptiness.
I don't even
have the strength or energy to keep up the home like I once could.
Things in the home need to be fixed and taken care of and there is
no money and no energy. I can't work fast enough to even put a dent
in the avalanche of housework and repairs that are falling down around
me. Also for some reason, our storages and closets continue to get
plugged up with junk, no matter how I try to stop junk from piling
up. This house is too big for me and everything is out of control.
And what is so scary is, this is exactly how I feel spiritually too.
I am married
for the second time now, but for all practical purposes I don't feel
I can rely on him. I've tried to talk to him about all of the above
situations, and our marriage, but this ends when he goes into a rage
and starts to throw accusations at me, then he walks out the door.
Over our entire marriage he has refused to listen to a word I say.
I need his help, but I am shut out time and time again.
So, I am over
whelmed! When I try to mediate all I can do is see all the work that
has to be done right now! This avalanche continues to crash down around
me. All the things I have started out to do, I haven't finished. I
am out of control, and don't have a clue as to where to begin and
I feel time is running out.
I feel so
displaced and out of focus with no sense of direction and no vision
and no support from loved ones. Hope you can get through this letter
and I will appreciate any insight, as to where to begin.
Thanks,
-Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Here is
a brief reading:
There is
a stalemate and you are caught in a dilemma. There may be reluctance
on your part to see the situation in its true light, a stubbornness
to break free and to view the problems that face you unemotionally.
Maybe you are unwilling to accept the validity of anyone else's point
of view but your own, so you resolutely stand your ground. It is as
if you are not only blinded by your problems but by your inability
to take the obvious solution to help solve them, simply because the
prospect scares you.
While you
are confused by your overwhelming emotions you may not be able to
see an offering in the midst of all this. It is as if a cup of hope
and peace is reaching out to you but you are not paying attention
to it, a holy offering. It is an indication that you must follow your
bliss or joy, a spiritual calling perhaps?
Although
the cards generally are suggesting some difficulties and problems
at the moment, once you remove the blindfold so to speak you will
enter a period of expansion and joy. Happiness, felicity and contentment
as if you have struck emotional and spiritual gold, and a sense of
spiritual communion with someone or something bringing great fulfillment.
A start of a creative venture and a happy house move are indicated.
The cards
are warning you against getting dragged down with the sheer drudgery
of existence, as if caught on a treadmill. Life seems so hard you
can't see beyond the next step. You may lose something precious if
you forget to respond to your higher inclinations. You feel that you
cannot win through and the odds are just too great. However there
is a way out. You are carrying far too much a burden and need to delegate
responsibility and ask someone for help. Your foolish pride might
be making a rod for your own back.
You are
in limbo between one stage of your life and the next. You have to
find the strength to live in the here and now. It might be useful
to take up some Buddhists or Zen meditations or practices. Try to
view your world from an entirely different perspective especially
if it concerns making a material or financial sacrifice for the sake
of a moral or Spiritual reason.
Sometimes
we have to sacrifice certain things in life in order to gain further
insights or greater wisdom and truth .To the true Spiritual aspirant
no sacrifice is too great in order to gain spiritual illumination
and self realisation, a spiritual liberation. For the ripe soul, sacrifice
is a great initiation. A key that opens a door that can lead to enlightenment
and a new and wonderful world.
God Bless
-AA
Anonymous
replies:
Dear Avril,
Thanks
so much for this reading. It is definitely a beautiful and illuminating
reading. There ARE some wonderful nuggets of gold in this reading,
so I see some hope around the corner, and I feel somewhat better.
Thank you for your time and energy. God bless you
January
14, 2007 Update:
Anonymous
added-
I have
some great news! In my reading it was mentioned that there was a wonderful
opportunity on the horizon of a spiritual or creative nature. Well,
I met some new people through my old community service club that are
opening up a private school that will be working with an alternative
style of working with children. We will be using a sort of Charlotte
Mason unschooling approach allowing the universe to reach and educate
the children with the teachers as facilitators.
